Welcome everyone to my first blog ever. My name is Randi and I felt like I needed to blog about my experiences to try to reach others that have felt alone, left out or like an outsider in life due to many different reasons. I myself have struggled with that feeling and unlike what you probably thought would happen, I did not grow out of it and it has gotten worse along with my situations changing.
From childhood until now life has thrown me through some loops and has given me blessing and struggles. Today I sit here as a single working mother of two wildly different but very close boys. My oldest has been diagnosed with ADHD and sensory processing disorder, but is really smart and likes to be the one in charge. My youngest is very lovable and a big prankster who likes to follow everyone around him. They are my light within the darkness. I have struggled with Bipolar over half of my life without being diagnosed. Was diagnosed in 2018 a year after I separated from my husband (a second time), and living functionally in everyday life despite being told I would need to be medicated to stay sane. My soon to be ex-husband was verbally and emotionally abusive and I believe I suffer from some form of PTSD. I have severe anxiety and when triggered I will have panic attacks, which are not fun. I certainly think and see the world differently through distortions and understanding of things others do not understand.
I am telling you all this, because I all these things make me feel like an outsider in a one way or another. So I GET IT. I know what it is like to have the kids melting down and hitting you while you have to carry them out while everyone stares. I have been there. I know what it is like to going through the divorce and everyone questions why you didn’t stay to make it work. I understand that not everything is seen. This is me reaching out to give you a hand to help you continue to be the best you.
Silver Linings 
Hey there over half of my life I had Bipolar. Several episodes and relapses. I had 5 hospitalizations in 2017 and then ended up back to inpatient in 2019. I am cutting myself some rope and take it easy. It is lonely and I wish I had more friends. In my support group a jerk was said something to me and it was mean and when the rest of the group said he could be an actor and laughed. So I said no thanks I’ll have to go to another group. How was your holidays?
LikeLike
I’m sorry to hear that someone was a jerk. That makes an already hard life harder. My holidays were hectic like usual. Dealt with the holiday depression that always hits. I hope you had a good holiday.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yea holidays are always tough time at least there are over. I’ve been diagnosed at 16 with you only been year diagnosed how hard has it been? I walked through it like I had no bipolar learning to manage your illness is good but for me even when i did that i still got sick and inpatient my meds just stopped working i went crazy manic
LikeLike