Being a boy mom is a rollercoaster. We are up and down and a lot of the times upside down going in circles. But I wouldn’t change it for anything.

There is times when it is really hard, especially when I am running on borrowed spoons and zero energy. These boys wake up and immediately began taking over the house. Running from every corner of the place and bouncing off the walls. Chaos erupts from the minute they open their eyes. With two wild little men trying to find themselves it can quickly turn into a battlefield here. Breaking up fights and negotiating hostile situations is an every day routine. This is an all day affair for us. Bedtime takes time to wind down due to their free spirit energy. Chasing each other down the halls and doing flips in bed, their little bodies cant slow down. It’s a mad house til the end.

Along with the hard times there are many more good memories making moments. These boys need love and attention all the time. As soon as I sit down they are by my side cuddling up to me to watch their favorite scene in the mornings. My youngest will run up to me and tackle me with hugs, and then tickle wars begin. The bond I have with boys as their mother is unbreakable. They come to me when they dont feel good or if they got hurt, just to feel the comfort of us together. We play together and read together, making time stop. I wouldn’t change the chaos when in return I get to be their safety.

The mixture of emotions and chaos is what makes being a boy mom worth every second. I might lose my cool often and feel like everything is out of control, but the calm after the storm can’t be replaced. When I am struggling to get through the day, they are who I look to for my light. Boys have this magic in them that comes out in everything they do. I am a proud boy mom.

My ex husband would strive for his idea of the perfect home. His idea was a clean and quiet home, even with two young boys. It was so hard to please him and give him what he wanted. Especially since my idea of a perfect home is completely opposite.

When I think of the perfect home I think of a happy home. A home full of laughter and fun. I didn’t care if the dishes got done, or if their are toys in the kitchen. What I saw was the kids playing and food was being made at home. My kids came first to me. I watched as they played and explored. If the bathrooms didnt get cleaned because I watched their favorite show with them, it would be ok because there is always another day.

I do have a problem with having to have things organized and everything having a place, but I hate the idea that you cant be a good parent if you cant keep a house clean at all times. We are all human. The thing about being a good parent is making your kids happy and safe. We are all doing an awesome job if they are happy and safe.

My anxiety is a huge struggle for me. I have my normal anxiety when I’m a little on edge which is totally manageable. I also have anxiety that is accompanied by panic attacks that is seldom. But it’s when I anxiety hits the peak when it becomes difficult.

When this happens I go from 0 to 180 in an instant. I can no longer control my tone or expressions. My senses get overloaded and everything gets heightened. Sounds get louder, everything is harsh to touch, and I get nauseous from smells. Things get unbearable.

My fuse gets so short during these times that I cant even stand myself. I completely feel bad for those around me that have to deal with it, but it’s such a struggle for me that I know I just need to make it out for myself. I have apologized to my kids so many times for getting angry at every little thing. It’s hard to be a single parent with no one to help so I can take a break from it all to calm down.

Living with this anxiety and having triggers is hard. I want to scream, throw things or do something reckless. But I have to continue to control myself the best I can still everyday, so this anger and irritability just continues for a while. It takes up energy and taints memories that are being made. It’s hard to do it all alone. I know I am not the only one, so I understand what you are going through. I get it.

My 7 year old is diagnosed with ADHD and Sensory processing disorder. At 4 he got these diagnosis and was borderline autistic. At 2 we were told to get him anger management therapy, but no one sees that young of an age.

I did the best I could. I researched different things and how to cope with it all. Believe me it’s still a learning game after 5 years. His father has always been against the diagnosis and really anything I would tell him. So I was limited in everything I could do for my son.

I tell you all this because man is it hard to parent a difficult child. With my anxiety and depression I get irritable and I cant help it either. So double whammy.

Things started to get rough after we separated because the consistency and structure varied between households and both my kids being so young cant fully understand why mommy and daddy are not together. Which is completely understandable. So I try to do my best. I love them, talk to them and I try to make the best and most effective decisions based on knowing how their father is.

After spending the summer with their father, my son comes back in an emotion wreck. He also was put on a medication holiday due to weight lose so no meds all summer either. So he comes back right before school starts, mind you during the summer we had a lot of outbursts and emotional regulation problems also. So trying to parent was even more difficult.

I have been there with the screaming at the top of their lungs. I have been there when they cry so much they cant breath. I have been there when it all doesnt make sense why they are reacting so over the top. I have been there when they say thing just to hurt you and everyone else. I have been there when they dont want you around and yell to go away. I have been there.

I might have a problem with trying to control situations (yay for my OCD and anxiety), but I think they need to know you are still their for them no matter what. Even in the most of the storm I tell him I love him and I will be here no matter what. I tell him when he is ready to talk we can talk. After years of going through it all, I feel like I have finally conquered a mountain now.

His medication stopped being as effective and how I know this is because his anger slowly came back. The other night it was full fledge back to where we were after the summer before medication. He was screaming and hitting the wall and flinging himself on his bed. I laid there. Nothing more. He told me to go away. I told him I was in there to make sure he stayed safe and that I was there in he needed me. After a little bit he calmed down some because of a distraction so I laid in my bed with his brother. Maybe 10 min later he comes in to my bed and cuddles me and goes to sleep.

That was a huge moment for me. After all the hurtful things he said to try to break me down, he knew he could still come get comfort with me. I felt so proud.

Parenting a difficult child and one that is trying to be like his big brother is hard. I am a single parent, so it’s just me. No one to tag team the melt downs or anything else. But I made it over this mountain.

Thanks for joining me!

If you dont like something, change it. If you can’t change it, then change your attitude. -Maya Angelou